304 Days!

Tomorrow, January 7th, will be 10 months from our wedding date. When we got engaged in September, it felt like it would take forever to get to the big day. Now we are getting closer so quickly! I know I have a lot of time left, but I am already getting a little stressed with the amount of "stuff" I am dealing with. Besides my job, family, and all the daily issues I have to handle (seriously, 125 10th graders means DRAMA), I am also getting overwhelmed with the wedding stuff.

First off, we were supposed to be saving a large chunk of money every month for the house fund. That's not happening like it should be. I also never really nailed down a budget and having paid off the photographer, the venue, and buying my dress all in the span of a few days made me realize just how expensive this wedding is going to be. We might not be able to afford our Paris honeymoon, which would be a big disappointment to us both. Then there are all the little things. Here's another list:

1. Hurt feelings. We have a small venue that can only hold 100 comfortably. Nick has a large family with a lot of kids. I would like this to be an adults-only wedding, but I know that request could potentially cause an uproar. 

2. More hurt feelings. My (extended) family. For those of you who know me, that's enough said. Inviting your relatives to your wedding should be a happy thing. For me, not so much.

3. Even more hurt feelings. People are not going to be invited to this wedding who think they are definitely coming. There is no way around this. And I'm sure I will be made to feel guilty about it at some point. 

4. Bridesmaids. Nick has it so easy with his two brothers and Austin. Ready-made groomsmen that he will still be in touch with 5-10 years down the road. I've never been good at staying in touch with people and I want bridesmaids that are special and meaningful to me. I really want my mom up there, but then she doesn't get to see the wedding from the angle she deserves. It's very stressful and I know I am just going to put off making the decision and asking anyone, which is just going to make it worse. I'm actually considering not having anyone at all.

5. Other people's feelings in general. It makes me very angry to know that the massive majority of my stress is coming from other people's feelings. This is my wedding and it's the only one I will ever have. Why do I have to worry so much about other people?

6. Money. Asking your future in-laws for it is a daunting task. Please pay for catering so my parents aren't paying for everything!

I think today is just a bad day. I'm sick (thanks to my lovely father who coughed all over the place and didn't have the courtesy to cover his mouth), which makes me more emotional and apt to complain/whine. Everything is fine, nothing is insurmountable, and I will just breathe and let it all go (at least, that is what I am going to tell myself).